Archives for the 'Funny' Category
Illinois Pineapples
Why do I find so much humor at our local grocery store? I think it’s because they make it too easy!
I stopped by my local Highlander (Kroger) grocery store to pick up a few essential food items (that’s code for ice cream.) They’ve been pushing a locally grown message for a while now with posters and signs around the store. We’re in Northern Illinois and the store has stretched local to mean things like Michigan blueberries and Kentucky cucumbers. It’s within a long day’s drive, I guess. [ Continue reading Illinois Pineapples … ]
Census form requires telling the future
Our 2010 census form arrived in the mail today but it’s impossible to fill it out according to the instructions. Why, you ask?
Well, today is March 16, 2010. The packet contains a letter dated March 15, 2010, which includes the following text in bold print: Please complete and mail back the enclosed census form today.
Okay, I guess I better get to it.
Question 1: How many people were living or staying in this house, apartment, or mobile home on April 1, 2010?
Hmmmm. There does not seem to be a blank to state that I don’t know how to tell the future. 
What Makes Some People Bald?
We picked up an old book at a garage sale titled The Book of Wonders. It has a copyright of 1914 by Presbrey Syndicate, Inc. The description on the inside cover reads
“Gives plain and simple answers to the thousands of everyday questions that are asked and which all should be able to, but cannont answer.”
It’s been the source of some good laughs. This is our favorite entry. It explains that baldness is caused by wearing hats, just as flowers die if you block them from getting enough air circulation.
Lazy Lawn Mowing
Sometimes a low-tech solution to automation is all that is needed to save a lot of work. Although I now use robotic lawn mowers, you might still enjoy the story of how I once turned my gas-powered walk-behind mower into a work-saving autonomous mower. My neighbors certainly found it amusing. (More on that later.)
This simple hack cut my mowing time to about a third of what it used to be. I’m not sure of the exact cost because most of the parts were scrounged. Even the mower was a $30 garage sale special. In total, I probably spent less than $50 for the whole project, including the mower.
[ Continue reading Lazy Lawn Mowing … ]
It’s Spring and Even the Porcupines are in Love
Happy spring everyone! Our Illinois Winter has seemed a little longer this year so it’s nice to feel things warming up.
Every spring I recall an old Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies cartoon from my childhood. The cartoon starts out looking like a nature documentary as the camera pans through the forest. Then the narrator says, “It’s spring … even the porcupines are in love.” Two porcupines repeatedly pucker up, kiss, then jump back in pain with an “ow ow ow ow!” You gotta love that classic Looney Tunes humor.
So here’s a little spring quiz for everyone. What is the name of that episode and is it available anywhere?
My kids are probably tired of hearing my wife and I quote it every time someone mentions spring. I’d love to show the cartoon to them but I can’t find it. It would stand to reason that it may be a Pepé Le Pew story, but I’m not sure. We own the first three Looney Tunes Golden Collection DVD box sets and it’s not on any of those.
Happy Pi Day
Happy pi day to everyone. Here’s the dessert we served tonight in honor of the day.
I know, purists might only celebrate at 1:59 and 26 seconds, but we saved it for dinner anyway.
Have Some Ice Cream with that Diet!
Here’s some more fun from my local grocery store. Buy six diet food items and get free ice cream. That’s right, you can start your diet and then ruin it, all with this one deal!
Grocery Store Offers Free Old Rotten Food
My local grocery store featured these paper bags for only a few days. I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time to promote “It’s Fresh or it’s Free,” but let’s think about the message taken to its full conclusion.
I’m sure they wanted to communicate that they only carry fresh products, but the real message is that they have old rotten food available. If you get some, well sorry, we don’t guarantee freshness. But your reward is that you can have it at no charge instead of us tossing it in the dumpster! Bon Appétit.
Mostly Cats Dumpster
This dumpster was in the back of a local shopping center in Loves Park, IL. The label immediately caught my attention as being funny (sorry cat lovers). This was the only dumpster in a row of several with a name label, so it stands out among the others. I later found out that it was owned by Mostly Cats Veterinary Clinic, which had their office in the building.
Update: This is a repost of some of my older site content. The veterinary clinic has since moved to a new location. I’m happy to report that they took their dumpster with them and it still has the label.
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MacUpdate Promo Deal of the Day
